Tuesday, January 27, 2009

Guide to the utimate '09 Super Bowl party

Every year you attend the same old Super Bowl parties, with the same old fix-ins and the same old betting pools. And there is no reason this year looks to be any different. And as for the game, I mean, we're talking about the Steelers vs. the Cardinals... so how many of us actually care who wins anyway? Let's be honest, you're essentially there for the beer, food, and commercials, so why not mix things up a bit to make it more interesting? If you're looking to make this year's event bigger and better than ever, read on for Errant Balls' guide to making your '09 Super Bowl bash a party to remember.

Ben Roethlis-mini-burgers: Eat these mediocre treats while they're hot, because like Ben they're only just good enough not to cause you to lose it (see: Super Bowl XL).

The "Don't be that guy" Room: Set up a separate room in the house decorated floor to ceiling with Ricky Martin posters, stocked only with a warm six-pack of Zima, a Greek salad, and a 13" black and white TV for the purpose of exiling anyone who shows up wearing the jersey of a team that is not in the Super Bowl.

Kurt Warner's Holy-hot wings: Make your buffalo wings so spicy that your guests will think they see God. Whoever mows down the most without puking gets to wear the honorary strap on Warner-stubble for the remainder of the game.

Madden Audibles: Take a few healthy gulp of beer each time John Madden says something you cannot understand for the life of you, this should guarantee you a steady, game-long buzz.

Challenge on the Field: Fashion challenge flags for each of your guests using red fabric, dried rice and rubber bands. If at any time a guest would like anything (the last cocktail weenie, a fresh beer, a back rub) they can throw their challenge flag, but it must hit another party-goer in the face. If their flag flies true they must be obliged, but should it miss, they lose their challenge for the night and the extra flag is awarded to their intended target.

Born to Run (to the bathroom): Take a shot of tequila for every time Bruce Springsteen grimaces like he's trying to crap out a pineapple during the Super Bowl Halftime Show (not advised for those who are driving).

Troy Guaca-malu: Enjoy this delicious and classic avocado Super Bowl standard... just watch out for 24-inch long black, curly hairs hidden inside!

Sports Lingo Bingo: Make up bingo boards for each of your guests with a random combination of contrived sports vocabulary filling the board (some helpful suggestions for this year are oft heard sayings like ball-hawk, sneaky fast, in the trenches, something to prove, road to the Super Bowl, pick-6, pay dirt, class act, etc.)... first to 5 in a row gets to take home all of the leftovers!

Shotgun Slap:
If at any point it is determined by all other party-goers that a guest is forcibly over-laughing at a commercial that does not justify it, said guest must either shotgun a beer or be subject to one face slap by the largest handed person in the room.

Jell-O Jigglers: Each time NBC cuts to a shot of the announcers in the booth and any one of John Madden's chins visibly jiggles... Jell-O shots all around!

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