NFL Conference Championship predictions

Each year, when the NFL playoffs come around, Errant Balls makes a feeble attempt at actually predicting what is going to happen and who is going to win. But not this year, not in 2009. The passing of 2008 marked an historic time for Errant Balls, a time in which we vowed to stick to what we do best, good old fashioned juvenile stupidity. So feel free to soak in all of these inane and completely ludicrous predictions for the big games this weekend... just don't place your bets on them!

NFC CHAMPIONSHIP: Philadelphia Eagles @ Arizona Cardinals
- Donovan McNabb will once again be penalized for his antics on the other team's sideline, after he uses a Cardinals bench player's helmet as a vomit receptacle.

- In an effort to slow the thus far unstoppable Larry Fitzgerald, the Eagles will use their entire secondary to shadow him every play, ignoring all other Cardinal receivers. Fitzgerald will finish with 2 TD's and 183 yards on six catches, one of which he'll make with his dreadlocks.

- The Cardinals coaching staff will motivate Edgerrin James by further demoting him to pregame shoe shiner and keying his car. He will run for 109 yards in the first half alone.

- The Eagles' second half ground attack will suffer a huge blow when Andy Reid's fiery and animated halftime speech causes his fat-belt to snap off, sending it flying violently through the air and decapitating Brian Westbrook.

- DeSean Jackson will ultimately blow the game for Philly after he throws a would be touchdown reception into the stands around the 15 yard line.

- Kurt Warner will creep out a sideline reporter with an overly-religious postgame speech in which he breaks out his Buddy Christ figure and forces them to sing with him (you can probably safely place a bet on this one).

AFC CHAMPIONSHIP: Baltimore Ravens @ Pittsburgh Steelers
- Ben Roethlisberger's remarkable toughness will once again shine when he is sacked 7 times in the first half and still refuses to just release the ball earlier.

- Pittsburgh will fall behind early thanks to the late arrival of Coach Mike Tomlin forcing actor Omar Epps to fill in at coach for the first quarter.

- Ravens safety Ed Reed will take his "ball-hawking" to the next level when he intercepts a pass, returns it for a TD, rips the leather off the ball with his fingernails and eats the remains.

- Ravens LB Ray Lewis will cause someone in the Pittsburgh area to wet their pants (again, this one might be a safe bet as well).

- During what initially appears to be a routine sack, Troy Polamalu's hair will become so severely entangled in Joe Flacco's unibrow that a team of paramedics and barbers will be forced to the field.