Wednesday, May 27, 2009

The NBA Conference Finals in Pictures

The 2009 NBA playoffs have been a total blast.  Full of hard fouls, close games, and buzzer beaters, they have been an absolute pleasure to watch thus far.  And luckily, the conference finals haven't been any different.
But rather than bore you with statistical breakdowns or genuinely intuitive and knowledgeable articles about these crucial series, Errant Balls will once again be your source for the number one way Americans (namely anyone who is amused by our postings in particular) choose to get their information... with pretty pictures from the internet!
So enjoy this post of the NBA conference finals in pictures, and thank us for not asking you to strain your brainpower later...

"Dude, you gotta see the replay of that shot. Marv Albert screamed so loud his toupee ran off."

Wednesday, May 20, 2009

Superstar To-Do Lists

After a few weeks off, Errant Balls is back in the swing of not-for-profit blogging... you're welcome world.  
In the time since we've been gone, quite a bit has gone down in the world of sporting news.  So here's a little slice of the everyday lives of the guys we've heard so much about.  It's a peek onto the refrigerator Post-It note of the superstar athlete, with "Superstar To-Do Lists."

MANNY RAMIREZ: LA Dodgers outfielder, after being suspended for 50 games for failing MLB drug 
- Send bacne treatment kits to all of the loyal fans who maintain their seats in the Mannywood section of Dodger Stadium
- Return to former supplement policy of never ingesting anything that isn't colorful and/or shaped like a Flintstones character

LEBRON JAMES: Cleveland Cavaliers superstar, upon reaching the Eastern Conference Finals
- Appear in more commercials daily than the ShamWow guy 4
- Use opportunity to ask Dwight Howard for permission to jump over him and dunk Nate Robinson in next year's contest
- Increase workout routine of money swimming to twice daily

MICHAEL VICK: Embattled former NFL star, upon his release from prison
- Have miniature versions of dog fighting rings assembled in basement
- Find out a good place to inconspicuously purchase 50 ill-tempered roosters

KOBE BRYANT: LA Lakers all star, upon reaching the Western Conference Finals
- Cap off win of Rockets series by shaving "Ron Artest is a Nutbag" into my hair
- Avoid troublesome Colorado nightlife during Nuggets series

BLAKE GRIFFIN: former Oklahoma standout, upon learning the Clippers have the rights to the number 1 pick in this year's draft
- Contact Archie Manning to inquire into the art of just saying no
- Find flight of stairs big enough to knock me out of the number one spot, but small enough not to end career

BARRY MELROSE: ESPN hockey analyst, now dealing with unexpected extra attention thanks to exciting hockey actually being played
- Make a joke about every non-hockey athlete who leaves the game with a supposed "injury" 4
- Finish second act of "Sidney and Ovi" buddy comedy screenplay
- Cultivate mullet nightly with coconut milk and acai extract 

MARK SANCHEZ: New York Jets draft pick, now dealing with the whirlwind of being the next franchise quarterback in New York
- Get out-on-the-town wardrobe advice from fellow New Yorker Sean Avery
- Change MySpace profile name to something more media acceptable than Mark "Dirty" Sanchez

DENVER NUGGETS: Upon realizing their May 25th playoff home game is in conflict with an already booked appearance of Monday Night Raw
- Set up steel cage ladder match between Mark Cuban and Kenyon Martin's mom (preferably with Mike Tyson as a special guest referee)
- Plead with Vince MacMahon to facilitate the return of the Ultimate Warrior to the ring

BRETT FAVRE: Quasi-retired quarterback in the midst of making what seems to be yet another comeback
- Deny up and down that I have any interest in coming out of retirement 4
- Lay low playing backyard football with dog and mowing lawn for several months 4
- Make comeback (f*ck the Packers)

Wednesday, May 6, 2009

See you May 20th!

Sorry for the hiatus but the world of pro-bono blogging isn't as lucrative as I was initially led to believe.  Anyway, we'll be back with a new post on May 20th... see all five of you loyal readers then!