“We’ll hit them when they matter.”
“Honestly, I’m not all that worried about it.”
Sound familiar John? These are the words of Memphis head coach John Calipari referring to his team’s inability to hit foul shots. Throughout the regular season and NCAA tournament everyone seemed to agree that the mighty Tigers would eventually fall due to this one fatal weakness, but the
Up by nine points with 1:55 to play in Monday night’s championship, the game seemed all but locked up in
“I’ll call time out when it’s necessary.”
Or, “We’ll foul the opposition when it makes perfect sense, the championship is on the line, and it will assure us the win.”
When an already potent team landed the two biggest acquisitions of the winter, adding Miguel Cabrera and Dontrelle Willis from the Florida Marlins bargain bin, the Tigers looked like the team to beat. And apparently that’s exactly what they are… just not in the way they were hoping. Through their first run of games they have taken beatings at the hands of the Royals, the White Sox, and most recently the Red Sox. Their new star slugger, Cabrera, is batting a stellar .100 at the plate and is tied for third on the team in RBIs with 1. Although on a positive note he does seem happy to be in
Now with all that said, there is no reason to panic just yet. After all, we are only one week into the season. However, if things continue to play out as they have, coach Jim Leyland is likely to extend his smoking habit to a carton a day (to be fair he is already 2/3 of the way there) and the Tigers’ grounds crew will be forced to cover the dugout floor in sand to create a giant, stress-catching ashtray.
The Collective Masculinity of Basketball Fans Everywhere
It’s okay to admit that you well up and get the chills each and every year when CBS airs their “One Shining Moment” montage at the end of the NCAA Tournament, it happens to the best of us. Nothing makes a man emotionally crumble like a well crafted sports montage. It’s a fact. It’s our kryptonite. Like a taste for Buffalo wings or the uncontrollable laughter that inevitably follows a good fart, it is encoded on our DNA, inborn, whether we like it or not.
So when CBS takes clips of the year’s greatest sporting event and mashes them up with the rousing vocal stylings of that magical bastard Luther Vandross, we simply do not stand a chance. It doesn’t even matter that the lyrics are arguably cheesier than every Bryan Adams song combined. Or that at the 1:49 mark of this year’s mix they felt the need to include a clip of inane commentator Bill Raftery inexplicably yelling “ONIONS!” after a made shot (do you love it as much as I do?). It still hits every man’s heart, right at the core.
So judge yourself for your futile struggle to hold back your tears at the end of “The Notebook” you Nancy… but don’t ever, ever let anyone take away your “One Shining Moment.”