Wednesday, October 1, 2008

2008 MLB What if's?

With the 2008 MLB regular season in the books, Errant Balls has got some questions we'd like answered...

What if Manny Ramirez didn't cornhole the Red Sox?

He may have a collection of pop-up books more comprehensive than most pre-schools, but he's no fool, and there is no denying that Manny Ramirez totally played the Red Sox. By completely dogging it in Boston he raised the question of just how good the Sox could have been. Sure they got solid production in return with Jason Bay and they're still in the playoffs, but if they kept Manny and he put up the insane numbers he has in LA there is little to no doubt the Sawks would have blown away the Rays in the AL East, and left their playoff opponents in a cloud of dreadlock dust on their way back to the Series.

What if the Yankees' bodies didn't fall apart?

It has been fairly well publicized that the Bombers took their league-high payroll and rode it to an early vacation in 2008, but there is also no denying injury played a huge role. The collective losses of Chien Ming-Wang, Jorge Posada, Hideki Matsui, Phil Hughes, Joba Chamberlain, Alex Rodriguez and not to mention the unexpected absence of Carl Pavano made it so even a supposedly washed up pitcher tossing 20 wins couldn't save their season. But frankly, this is how it had to be, and even as Yankee fans we understand.
What if the Yankees enjoyed great success in Hank Steinbrenner's first year running the show? How much more of a self-entitled super douche could this guy have become? It could have reached apocalyptic levels, and God just could not allow that to happen to the good people of planet Earth.

What if Willie Randolph really wasn't the problem?

Willie Randolph was unceremoniously dismissed from his position as the manager of the Mets because he didn't get results. Upon his dismissal, the Mets have gotten the same exact result they did with him around.
But what if the reason the Mets are yielding the same crappy results each year is because they are a team made up of young, inconsistent talent and old, over-paid injury connoisseurs that are all held together by no discernable leader in the clubhouse? And who better to receive a 4-year extension than the mastermind architect of this hapless squad?
Strap in Mets fans, it may be a long road ahead.

What if we have an LA Freeway World Series?

Here at Errant Balls we are all for good baseball, and an Angels-Dodgers World Series would be just that. But for God's sake, join hands with us and pray as legitimate fans of the game that this doesn't happen.
I am not prepared to endure the World Series coverage of Fox's pre-game interviews with Shia LeBeouf on who he thinks the X-factor in the series will be. Or Miley Cyrus reading off the Dodgers starting line up. I do not need to spend the first three innings of every game watching cameramen scan the crowd to let us know which celebrity hot couples are in attendance... Why? Because no real baseball fan gives a rat's hairy ass. And I swear on all that is holy, if I see Victoria Beckham in a Manny Du-Rag or the Jonas Brothers waving rally monkies I will burn the Fox Sports headquarters to the ground.

What if the Cubs' curse gets worse?

This really seems like it could be the year for the Cubbies doesn't it? And doesn't that make you wonder if this is the year the curse is completely legitimized?
This curse was placed by a bitter, Billy-Goat owning fan. It was perpetuated by a black cat that stared down the club manager. And it was extended by an ill-fated dweeb who had his life ruined for trying to catch a souvenir. That said, it's been weird. If it gets any weirder, are we going to have to admit that this thing might be truly legit? If a hot bird crap from the heavens lands in Kerry Woods' eye and he blows a game seven save in the NLCS... then yes, yes we do.

What if the Rays had kept the Devil in their nickname?

How else is the sudden competence of the Tampa Bay Rays explicable if not for the intervention of some higher power? They remove the Devil part of their team name and suddenly go from one of the most laughably beatable opponents in the league to the champions of baseball's toughest division. Hardly a coincidence.
God smiles upon those who shun his enemy, and God has smiled on the Tampa Bay Rays. Plain and simple. And if they fall short of a championship this year, I say keep the trend running. Ladies and gentleman... your 2009 Tampa Bay Jesus Rays!

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