Thursday, September 4, 2008

2008 NFL Predictions Part II: NFC

It's time for Errant Balls' to tap into our psychic powers and conjure up predictions you'll surely see come to light during the 2008 NFL season. So read on for part II, insights on the NFC.

Dallas Cowboys- The offseason gamble off adding troubled corner Adam “I’m not Pacman anymore” Jones will pay off in dividends… dividends which will come in the form of hundreds and hundreds of dollar bills.

New York Giants- The Giants will elect to have Tom Coughlin coach from a heated booth starting in early November, in an attempt to avoid having to deal with his face falling off midgame.

Philadelphia Eagles- Quarterback Donovan McNabb will boldly predict 12 wins for his Eagles, and that he will only vomit on the field during 9 of them!

Washington Redskins- First year Redskin Jason Taylor will revolutionize the touchdown dance when he recovers a fumble, runs it back 50 yards for a quick 6, and proceeds to Samba with the sideline judge.

Chicago Bears- On average, 2.5 million fans per week will utter the phrase “I can’t believe Kyle Friggin’ Orton is a starting NFL quarterback” while watching the Bears game.

Detroit Lions- Recently released running back Tatum Bell will return to the Lions locker room on several occasions to continue his revenge through thievery; stealing Matt Millen’s wide receivers only draft board, Roy Williams’ trash talking thesaurus, and Christmas.

Green Bay Packers- No Brett Favre and you’re living in Green Bay, Wisconsin? Is it viable that an entire city be put on suicide watch?

Minnesota Vikings- Thanks to the super productive Adrian Peterson and a surprisingly efficient year by Tarvaris Jackson, the Vikes will win their division and make a run deep into the playoffs. Neither of which is nearly as cool as the Sex boat scandal… Where have you gone Fred Smoot? A nation turns its lonely eyes to you…

Atlanta Falcons- Rookie quarterback Matt Ryan will devastate the already beleaguered Falcon fans when it is revealed he is the mastermind behind an international midget tossing ring.

Carolina Panthers- When asked by sideline reporter Suzy Kolber about a dropped ball in the 4th quarter that could have cost his team the game, Steve Smith will punch her in the face.

New Orleans Saints- The offseason acquisition of tight end Jeremy Shockey will cause more irreparable damage to the city of New Orleans than its glancing blow with Hurricane Gustav.

Tampa Bay Buccaneers- The Bucs will suffer due to the complete absence of kickers or punters on the team, a repercussion of Coach John Gruden’s unorthodox decision to keep 9 quarterbacks on his roster.

Arizona Cardinals- Kurt Warner will strangle the life out of Matt Leinart when photos of the young quarterback hitting a beer bong with Warner’s 18 year-old daughter surface on

St. Louis Rams- The Rams will be forced to ban Howie Long, hall of famer and father of their first round draft choice Chris Long, from locker room access after he continually pushes to make the young players watch Firestorm during film sessions.

San Francisco 49ers- Recently named starting QB J.T. O’Sullivan will win most improved player of the year, but will be asked by league officials to kindly refrain from removing his helmet and revealing his carnie-freak face during the trophy presentation.

Seattle Seahawks- Spurned former running back Shaun Alexander will make a desperate attempt at regaining his spot on the team, claiming to be Tiki Barber at a midseason tryout.

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