Tuesday, November 27, 2007

So Close!

It's been an interesting week in the NFL. At the close of week 12 quite a few teams and players were left scratching their heads (some heads infinitely larger than other) and thinking "I almost had it!" Here are my three favorites.

Almost Got A Win
That's right, another blow to the fragile psyche of the Miami Dolphins. Losing once again by only 3 points, making it the sixth time this year, they were handed a brutal 3-0 loss by the Pittsburgh Steelers. Yeah, 3-0.

In soaking wet conditions that allowed several punts to drill into the ground without ever taking a bounce, the Dolphins suffered what was perhaps their most crushing defeat of the year (while Dolphin fats sat idly by, likely completely unphased by the crap being piled on to their ever-growing heap).

On top of the loss the winless Phins also suffered several big injuries. After already losing their starting QB and star running back to season ending injuries, Miami lost current running backs Jesse "I was too fat to make it in this league 2 years ago" Chatman and Ricky "My epic comeback lasted less than a quarter" Williams to injuries Monday.

Things could not possibly get worse for Miami right now. Everything that could possibly go wrong for the has. And it has become abundantly clear, at least to me, that God is smiting the Dolphins! If lightning striking the field and delaying the game 15 minutes isn't proof enough then I just don't know what is. Repent Dolphins! For this is the End of Days!

........ Except you John Beck, you'll be fine.

Almost Took A Loss
Holy hell, the Patriots won by less than 25!? Yeah, in a shocking turn of events the Philadelphia Eagles actually made a game out of this week 12 match-up, holding a lead as late as the 4th quarter.

Now who knows what motivated them. It could have been the Patriots' "Holier than thou" attitude. It could have been because every NFL media figure was completely writing them off. Or maybe it was due to the fact that they were given the indignity of a point spread that implied the Pats' were up against the Coastal Carolina Chanticleers (or the Dolphins for that matter). Whatever it was, the Eagles showed that the mighty Patriots are beatable.... maybe.

By throwing a combination of 3 and 4 man defensive fronts along with a bevy of blitzes, the Eagles 'D' managed to keep the supposedly unwavering Tom Brady off-balance. For the first time this year Brady was held to only one TD pass and Randy Moss stopped looking like someone Brady unlocked with a cheat code in Madden '08.

All of that being said, New England still won. And the fact that the Pats winning by only a little is now a major news event will undoubtedly only add to their infinite smugness. Do we have to point out how insanely good they are by flipping out because another team even competes with them? I, for one, don't want to be a part of stroking their collective ego..... damn..... forget you read this!

Almost Had Us Fooled
Sorry Giants fans, but I, like you, once again feel teased. In a Eli-esque meltdown (that's right, these performances will hence forth actually bear his name) Eli Manning once again handed us this grim reminder... he is not good.

With the Giants performing fairly well in recent weeks, albeit against mostly poor teams, Eli was being touted as having matured and improved even though his statistics were actually very poor. This week however, he was unable to skate by.

Throwing 4 interceptions in a 41-17 romp at the hands of one of the leagues' worst defensive units, Eli once again showed that he is not nearly as talented as his older brother. And I'm talking about Cooper Manning, because at this point I assume even the only non-football playing Manning brother would put up better numbers. The Vikings 'D' picked Manning apart with ease and left him repeatedly walking off the field like the kid who's mom just called him in for dinner.

It may be time to face the facts New York, maybe Eli just doesn't have it. Maybe the critics are right when they say he will never be an inkling of what Peyton Manning is. Maybe he won't endear the nation in an unexpectedly hilarious turn as host of Saturday Night Live, but who knows, he could turn in a less than mediocre performance on MAD TV. Maybe he won't make tons of cash being showered with endorsement offers, but maybe he'll make a few bucks for eating worms on the sideline. And maybe he won't win a Super Bowl after years of criticism, but he'll be just good enough to always make sure you go nowhere in the playoffs.

Maybe, just maybe, Eli Manning is no good at football. I'm sorry.

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