Superstar To-Do Lists

After a few weeks off, Errant Balls is back in the swing of not-for-profit blogging... you're welcome world.  

In the time since we've been gone, quite a bit has gone down in the world of sporting news.  So here's a little slice of the everyday lives of the guys we've heard so much about.  It's a peek onto the refrigerator Post-It note of the superstar athlete, with "Superstar To-Do Lists."

MANNY RAMIREZ: LA Dodgers outfielder, after being suspended for 50 games for failing MLB drug 

test

- Make awkward and uncomfortable apology to teammates with the few words in my arsenal 4 

- Send bacne treatment kits to all of the loyal fans who maintain their seats in the Mannywood section of Dodger Stadium

- Return to former supplement policy of never ingesting anything that isn't colorful and/or shaped like a Flintstones character

LEBRON JAMES: Cleveland Cavaliers superstar, upon reaching the Eastern Conference Finals

- Appear in more commercials daily than the ShamWow guy 4

- Use opportunity to ask Dwight Howard for permission to jump over him and dunk Nate Robinson in next year's contest

- Increase workout routine of money swimming to twice daily

MICHAEL VICK: Embattled former NFL star, upon his release from prison

- Put football on the back burner and get my life back together 4

- Have miniature versions of dog fighting rings assembled in basement

- Find out a good place to inconspicuously purchase 50 ill-tempered roosters

KOBE BRYANT: LA Lakers all star, upon reaching the Western Conference Finals

- Crush the souls of Knicks fan base by having a documentary made of me by their most famous die-hard fan 4

- Cap off win of Rockets series by shaving "Ron Artest is a Nutbag" into my hair

- Avoid troublesome Colorado nightlife during Nuggets series

BLAKE GRIFFIN: former Oklahoma standout, upon learning the Clippers have the rights to the number 1 pick in this year's draft

- Avoid breaking down in tears while acknowledging possibility of landing with the Clippers 4

- Contact Archie Manning to inquire into the art of just saying no

- Find flight of stairs big enough to knock me out of the number one spot, but small enough not to end career

BARRY MELROSE: ESPN hockey analyst, now dealing with unexpected extra attention thanks to exciting hockey actually being played

- Make a joke about every non-hockey athlete who leaves the game with a supposed "injury" 4

- Finish second act of "Sidney and Ovi" buddy comedy screenplay

- Cultivate mullet nightly with coconut milk and acai extract 

MARK SANCHEZ: New York Jets draft pick, now dealing with the whirlwind of being the next franchise quarterback in New York

- Gain respect of hardened New York fans with a seemingly Baywatch themed GQ photo shoot 4

- Get out-on-the-town wardrobe advice from fellow New Yorker Sean Avery

- Change MySpace profile name to something more media acceptable than Mark "Dirty" Sanchez

DENVER NUGGETS: Upon realizing their May 25th playoff home game is in conflict with an already booked appearance of Monday Night Raw

- Do our best to ignore the fact that our owners had so little faith in us making the playoffs they figured they'd give the date to John Cena and the Big Show instead 4

- Set up steel cage ladder match between Mark Cuban and Kenyon Martin's mom (preferably with Mike Tyson as a special guest referee)

- Plead with Vince MacMahon to facilitate the return of the Ultimate Warrior to the ring

BRETT FAVRE: Quasi-retired quarterback in the midst of making what seems to be yet another comeback

- Deny up and down that I have any interest in coming out of retirement 4

- Lay low playing backyard football with dog and mowing lawn for several months 4

- Make comeback (f*ck the Packers)