What you may have missed on Media Day...

This Tuesday marked a day like no other in the NFL season. It is a day where rational journalistic questions can be thrown to the wayside and replaced with whatever nonsensical query pops into your head. It is a day that remains the only consistent form of entertainment in the whirlwind of crap that is the weeks before the year’s biggest game. It is a day for the players to share themselves with the world.

For some strange reason though, we as fans aren’t given access to this day in its entirety. We are privy only to a small consortium of clips that the media allows us to see, but this year is different. I gained access to this prestigious event and took precise notes in order to share them as my gift to world of football fanatics. I’ve got all the juicy stuff you haven’t read yet, straight from the mouths of your favorite players and coaches. This is your VIP pass into the real Super Bowl Media Day. Enjoy.

What one word would you use to describe how it feels to reach the Super Bowl?

Tom Brady: “Familiar.”

Randy Moss: “Cash.”

Brandon Jacobs: “Incredible.”

Eli Manning: “Really awesome.”

What are your thoughts on facing Eli Manning in the Super Bowl?

Tedy Bruschi: “He’ll be a tough opponent. I mean he has clearly absorbed many blows to the head already so we’re really gonna have to go after him.”

Tom Brady: “If even the dumbest… I mean, ummm… the least promising… er, uhhh… the youngest Manning can become a success, then what does that say to you about Archie Manning? My hat goes off to that man, potent sperm Arch!”

Bill Belichick: “Snnnnnmmmkk!” *chokes on his water trying to hold back laughter*

What are your thoughts on facing Tom Brady in the Super Bowl?

Eli Manning: “Oh it’s a real honor. I mean, Tom Brady is like the coolest. He’s the reason I’m always the Pats when I play Madden ’08.”

Michael Strahan: “Getting paid to jump on top of guys like Tom Brady is every little boy’s dream.

Tom Coughlin: “Well we almost beat him once didn’t we? I see no reason why we can’t almost beat him again.”

What inspirational quote from your coach resonates with you most this year?

Lawrence Tynes: “There’s so many, Tom Coughlin is so inspirational. But I’d have to go with his old standby, ‘Miss this kick and I’ll f#@ki%g murder you!’”

Mike Vrabel: “I’d have to say after the games when he says ‘Well played, you want the game ball? Too bad, because it doesn’t mean $h%t !!! We’re just thinking about insert next opponent’s name here. Now go repeat that word for word to the media!’”

What are you most looking forward to about a possible post-game celebration?

Jared Lorenzen: “The keg and full buffet… wait, what the hell do you mean just champagne?!”

Plaxico Burress: “The relief of finally being able to remove the duct tape and popsicle sticks that are holding my ankle together.”

Tom Brady: “Gisele.”

Bill Belichick: “Ritual animal sacrifice.”

What will you do in the off-season?

Tom Brady: “Gisele.”

Bill Belichick: “Ritual animal sacrifice.”

Michael Strahan: “I’ll probably retire to focus on my television career. Well, that and relentlessly trash my former team.”

Jeff Feagles: “I look forward to mornings of watching The Price is Right, followed by invigorating rides to the community center on my Rascal for some lively games of backgammon.”

What movie will you watch this week for inspiration?

Rodney Harrison: “Rocky Balboa- it’s amazing that Sly can remain in such great physical shape so late in his career.”

Bill Belichick: “Triumph of the Will- it really shows what a group of people can accomplish when they unite for a common cause.”

Michael Strahan: “Anything with Patrick Swayze.”

Eli Manning: “VeggieTales: God Made You Special.”

When you look back on Super Bowl XLII, what will you remember most fondly?

Junior Seau: “Being the first grandfather to win a Super Bowl… WOOO!”

Wes Welker: “Randy Moss lifting me up onto his shoulders to see the trophy presentation.”

Jeremy Shockey: “Not getting the damn ball.”

Eli Manning: “The commercials.”